A look back at 2015

It looks like I reviewed 10 new burritos in 2015. Not bad, but not great! How many burritos did I actually consume all together though? Only the lord knows... and honey, that's my personal business with him. J/k, let's think about this... I usually go out for a burrito once a week, maybe twice! Plus there's the breakfast burritos that I make on weekends sometimes. Here's another dirty little secret folks: sometimes for a snack I will eat one of those little frozen "El Monterey" bean and cheese burritos. Don't judge me! It's just you know, some people will eat an apple or some cashews for a snack... but I take one of those little frozen guys and cover him with cheese and hot sauce and dip him in sour cream. It's a perfectly fine, healthy snack.

So, let's see... a conservative estimate for number of burritos I ate this year would probably be- 100.

As far as new burrito reviews go, it was a rather average experience this year. I rated 7 of my burritos at or below 3 stars. My top rated burrito this year was the carnitas from Gonzalez Taqueria. I am also extremely happy about the Portland Mercado coming into existence, though they aren't just about burritos.

I am looking forward to another year of burrito hunting, and I will continue to branch out! I also want to return to some of my favorites to see if they are staying up to par. Thank you to everyone who reads this ridiculously delicious blog!

Taqueria Villanueva

This festive food cart is located on SW 3rd and Oak. We stopped by before going to see the symphony at the Schnitz. Classy, right? They were open on a Sunday, though according to yelp, they are usually closed Sundays. It looks like they are open 10-4pm M-Th and on Friday and Saturday they are open until 3am. Perfect for a post clubbing preemptive hangover cure? I apologize for the absolutely horrid cell phone pictures. I was not prepared for this!

The Chile Relleno Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Chile Relleno, beans, rice, pico, lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, cheese

Sides: Red and Green Sauce

Size: Filling

Again, I apologize for the cell phone pictures. I enjoyed this burrito, even after standing in the cold and eating it in the car- it was pretty satisfying. Ingredient dispersion needs improvement. At first I had some really scrumptious bites of cheesy steamy relleno and beans, then towards the middle I got into a lettuce jungle. This burrito had a creamy quality, a smoothness about it- with little hints of spice interspersed. A textural aspect was absent- some nice morsels of meat would have done it, but that's my fault for picking the meatless burrito! Anyway, it was good while sober and would probably make a really nice after hours snack.

The review

3 out of 5 stars.

Would I go here again? Probably, I'd like to give a meatier option a try.

Fernando's Alegria

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I returned to my most favorite food cart pod in Portland, my own special Disneyland- The Mercado. It's located on SE Foster and 72nd. As I parked across from this utopic wonderland of delight, the smell of peppers and spice and everything nice permeated into my brain, making me viciously salivate like a monster! I ravaged my way over to the burrito cart, Fernando's Alegria. Alegria means happiness or joy, so let's see if they brought me such feelings of contentment...

Fernando's Special Burrito

Price: $8

Ingredients: Steak, grilled onions, jalapenos, tomato, rice, beans, sour cream, cheese

Sides: Red and green sauce

Size: Monster!

I went on a rant a while ago about 8 dollar burritos. It's tough to rationalize what on earth makes a burrito worth 8 bucks. Some places in town use words like "made from scratch," or "artisanal" to make their burritos sound fancy and worthy of the 8 dollar price tag. Other spots have hip atmospheres with apathetic staff, and for some reason this automatically makes the price higher. Fernando's doesn't do any of these things. They just serve up an honest, hearty, gargantuan burrito. Nearly as wide as it is tall, it took at least 3 bites to make it across one row of this beast. 

The tortilla was kissed with a crispness, which I usually like, but this one cracked and crumbled a lot. The ingredients united playfully on my palate, with the morsels of smoky steak twirling around with the pops of perfectly cooked pinto beans. The grilled onion had an enticing sweet crunch, while the tomatoes added a refreshing splash of acidity. The flavors balanced well, but I would have liked more punch from the jalapenos. I may look like a gringa on the outside, but I can take heat with the best of them. The cheddar cheese was melted against one side of the tortilla, while it should have been more central. Though I usually complain about burritos being too dry, this guy was too juicy. The sour cream liquefied and became muddled with the other ingredients, loosing it's calming creamy coolness. The green salsa tasted like how I would imagine licking the back of an iguana would taste- green, grassy, herbaceous, psychedelic! This dude was dense, and if it did indeed contain rice, I didn't even notice. It could easily be made into 2 meals for the average person. I however, devoured it whole in about 5 seconds with my huge, fat, monstrous mouth.

The Rating:

3.5 out of 5

Would I go here again?

Oh, I'll be back at the Mercado. I have more carts to try!

Sanchez Taqueria y Panaderia

Venturing beyond the safe, reassuring walls of Portland, further and further Southwest we went; through an endless desolate land of strip malls and cul-de-sacs, ranch homes and parking lots... Until finally we spotted the bright red and green sign on the left side of 99W, with a happy taco mascot welcoming us to this strange, yet homey establishment.

The atmosphere reminded me of some of the spots I visited in La Paz, Baja California Sur. Tiled floors, bright walls, simple tables and chairs. All that was missing was a large central condiment bar of every imaginable salsa and pickled pepper, crema, etc... (Oh man, do I miss Baja).

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $6.95

Ingredients: Pork, rice, beans, onion, cilantro, cabbage

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Colossal! 

We sat expectantly as a stream of saucy steamy plates of food flowed past us to other eager patrons. Our hunger growing by the second. Then, our mammoth burrito babies finally arrived. So beautiful.

Have you ever received a gift, so exquisitely wrapped, that you were afraid to open it? The tortilla was so warm and light and fresh, it left a fairy dusting on my fingertips that said it was made that morning. 

Have you ever opened that gift, only to find something mediocre inside? You smiled and said "thank you," even though you were disappointed, didn't you? Well, I wasn't blown away by the inside of this guy. It was ok, but I want more pizzazz! Though the carnitas had a nice texture, the flavor was weak and it lacked juiciness. There was too much rice and not enough beans. It needed some cheese, maybe some crema. Haters gonna hate, but I need cheese!!! The salsas were delicious, but I had to rely on them for the added flavor. I think this was a typical case of an establishment having some tasty items, with the burritos being a safety net for the faint of heart. I wish I would have gotten one of the enormous plates of steamy food, or maybe a variety of tacos instead. I had such high hopes, but this guy fell flat. Gimme the greasy spice, gimme the heat! Gimme some fucking cheese!

Thank you.

The Rating:

2.8 out of 5 stars

I hope I just ordered the wrong thing...

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Super Burrito Express

I was driving in circles around the outer fringes hunting for burritos today, and I passed 3 abandoned taquerias before deciding just to go here. It's in Milwaukie, next to the Safeway at SE 42nd and King Road. Milwaukie... what can I say about this... town? It's truly weird. They don't have to try to be weird, it just flows through their veins! It's as though the entire place exists inside of an alternate universe where Walmart is the overlord.

The looks of Super Burrito Express are a turn off. It's a local joint, but the facade screams out corporate fast food hole, only grimier.

The Super Burrito

Price: $6.80

Ingredients: Steak picado (cooked with tomato, onion, cilantro), chile relleno, refried beans, avocado sauce

Sides: Red and green sauces, pickled jalapeno and carrots

Size: Big but not toooooo big

My feelings for this one are conflicted. The steak picado was rich and savory, with the tomatoey oniony peppery sauce adding a comforting allure, followed by a wave of spicy gusto. The texture, though, was a bit off. Some slices were too fatty, spawning an unappealing chewiness, while others weren't chopped small enough, making it difficult to get that perfect mouthful. Ingredient dispersion was out of balance, with the first 5 bites or so being almost all bean. The relleno's cheese was not melty enough and had a squeaky texture. There was no rice or lettuce taking up space (yay!), but that also made it very heavy in the belly. I couldn't twist at the waist after finishing up, and I kind of wobbled out to my car, uncertain about who I was or where I was or what I was. I think I sprouted an extra roll of fat above my love handle. Each day I get closer to becoming a circle person with stick arms and legs!

The Rating

2.2 outta 5 stars

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El Pato Feliz

I reviewed a carnitas burrito from their food bus, El Pato Feliz 2, back in 2013. This is a review for the little restaurant on SE 92nd in Lents, near the current home for the infamous Belmont goats, who were evicted from their previous residence to make way for a mass development (ugh). But the goats are here, and they are still chewing and standing and laying around and you should visit them.

This cute, cozy little spot features a duck collection and orange walls. Those of you who know me, know that my favorite color is orange and I used to be obsessed with ducks, so I was a pato muy feliz myself as I waited on my order.

Asada Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Asada, beans, rice, lettuce, sour cream

Sides: 5 tasty salsas!

Size: Gigantosaurus! 

Nothing about this guy really stood out as amazing to me, except for maybe some of the flavor my tasters extracted from the salsas. The asada was standard and the beans basic. There was too much rice and the lettuce was of course, boring. Like it's cousin over at the food truck, I don't think it had cheese? The price to size ratio was impressive, considering the price for a burrito is sky rocketing to upwards of 8 dollars at some places... 8 dollars! EIGHT. DOLLARS. This is becoming a serious crisis, people! Where can a little working class gal like myself find a substantial meal for 5 bucks anymore?

The Rating

3 out of 5 stars. 

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Gonzalez Taqueria

This little taco truck is in the Overlook neighborhood, sitting next to a gas station on Killingsworth, just west of Interstate Ave. I've been wanting to try it for a long time, but it's limited hours (9am-6pm, M-F) have prevented that. So, I was super excited to finally have the privilege. If you don't want to sit in the covered seating area, you can grab a burrito and head over to the bluff for a nice view while you eat. Bring lots of napkins, perhaps a bib.

Waiting in line, I could tell this place was packed with locals who love it. The owners were super friendly and chatting with everyone. They were sweeties.

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Carnitas, rice, beans, pico, cheese

Sides: 4 tasty salsas

Size: Perfecto

Upon the initial unwrapping of this burrito, I noted the perfectly toasty tortilla, with its happy little brown freckles smiling up at me. The underbelly, however, was saturated with a greasy sheen. After the first bite, I was a smitten kitten. Luscious, fluffy flakes of braised pork tickled my receptors, burrowing deep into my core, searching out my soul. My heart was set all aflutter as I sampled the wealth of salsa delights. The fresh pico tunneling through the central burrito zone was the perfect counterpoint to the greasy pork. The minimal amount of rice cradled the main ingredients, letting them shine while soaking in the porky juices. Despite the escaped grease, this guy held together fine. Whether it was the humidity or the intensity of flavors, I do not know, but when it was all said and done I had my own glossy sheen- of sweat. Our fluids mingled, my soul was touched... I just might be in love (or lust).

The Rating

4.2 outta 5 stars. I'm drooling over it right now.

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