Taqueria Villanueva

This festive food cart is located on SW 3rd and Oak. We stopped by before going to see the symphony at the Schnitz. Classy, right? They were open on a Sunday, though according to yelp, they are usually closed Sundays. It looks like they are open 10-4pm M-Th and on Friday and Saturday they are open until 3am. Perfect for a post clubbing preemptive hangover cure? I apologize for the absolutely horrid cell phone pictures. I was not prepared for this!

The Chile Relleno Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Chile Relleno, beans, rice, pico, lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, cheese

Sides: Red and Green Sauce

Size: Filling

Again, I apologize for the cell phone pictures. I enjoyed this burrito, even after standing in the cold and eating it in the car- it was pretty satisfying. Ingredient dispersion needs improvement. At first I had some really scrumptious bites of cheesy steamy relleno and beans, then towards the middle I got into a lettuce jungle. This burrito had a creamy quality, a smoothness about it- with little hints of spice interspersed. A textural aspect was absent- some nice morsels of meat would have done it, but that's my fault for picking the meatless burrito! Anyway, it was good while sober and would probably make a really nice after hours snack.

The review

3 out of 5 stars.

Would I go here again? Probably, I'd like to give a meatier option a try.

Los Taquitos Taqueria

Cute and Colorful Los Taquitos is located at 58th and NE Glisan Street- next to a gas station and entry onto the highway. Be careful not to unwittingly turn onto the ramp for the highway, as you will be sucked down 84 until the nearest exit in Hollywood. Haha...ha.

They have your typical Mexican grub, as well as many veggie options and other interesting entrees.

This place isn't too far from Mt Tabor, so I decided to have a burrito picnic overlooking Portland's poopy water supply. What better than a gorgeous June afternoon spent atop an extinct volcano, burrito in hand? Not much, not much at all.

Chile Relleno Burrito

Price: $5.50

Ingredients: Chile Relleno, Rice, Beans, Pico

Size: Large and in charge

Sides: Salsas, Pickled Carrots and Jalapenos. 

Ok, well, alright, uh, so...

Nothing really blew me away about this burrito. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't breathtaking either. Just your everyday ordinary run and the mill joe. I didn't laugh, didn't cry, didn't really feel anything. He wasn't tangy, spicy, hot, or saucy. The relleno was tender and eggy- but not too eggy. The beans were too pasty, yet had a nice hammy taste.. The salsa accompaniments weren't all that enticing either- the overly liquidy red was all heat with no flavor and the overly thick green was just... strange. It filled my hunger spot for a while, but left me ill with want. 

The Rating

2.8 out of 5

Who I go here again? 

Yes, there are many more burritos in the sea. Perhaps I would try the California burrito, which has steak and french fries on it... edgy. 

Taqueria Portland

Cast along the unassuming street of North Fessenden, a worn old sign with the words "Taqueria Portland" is aglow.

(PLEASE SEE MY UPDATE BELOW, AS THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS MOVED) 

The luminescence draws you in, a glimmer of possibility at the edge of the long lonesome thoroughfare. If you are wise, you will simply stop whatever it is you're doing, and head there right now. You are Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and this place is the Devil's Tower. You just must go.

The space is colorful and quirky, and the people are super friendly. They have an extensive menu, booze, and attentive table service!

The Chile Relleno Burrito

I haven't been this excited about a burrito in a very long time. I was about to give up on you, Portland! Then, along comes a Taqueria created in your image.

Ingredients: Chile relleno, beans (pinto or black), rice, onions, cilantro, sour cream, cheese, spicy salsa

Price: $5.39

Sides: Red and Green Sauce, FREE chips and salsa and lolly pops.

Size: BIG

You know that feeling you get, when you bite into something so luscious, so delectable, so flavorsome- that you close your eyes and "mmmmmmmmm" noises just start radiating from your throat? You get that dizzying feeling of joy, buzzing high within the crevices of your brain? Your heart swirls, as if on a tilt-a-whirl at the fair? Pure affirmation that you are alive- breathing, tasting, existing- captivates your very soul? Yes, you know the feeling... it's love! I'm in love, everyone!

The sumptuously spicy pepper; an exquisitely roasted, cheese-infused, crisply encrusted delicacy. Cloaked within an ambrosial entourage of distinctly flavorsome ingredients: oozy refried beans, a pinch of rice, gooey cheese, fortifyingly fresh cilantro and onion, and hot salsa. All wrapped into a scrumptious tortilla skin, forming a labyrinth of taste-bud-mesmerizing-mayhem.

I am still there, in mid-chew, frozen for eternity with my burrito-shaped manifestation of love. All I have to do is close my eyes, and I am whisked away into an ethereal landscape where my consciousness is consumed by the evocative flavors of this burrito. The smell of sizzling onion, slow simmering spices, and hot frying peppers permeates the air all around. I open my eyes to the grandeur of cheese-capped mountains of beans, flowing hot sauce streams, cilantro meadows, and a chile pepper lined pathway. I float along, heading deeper and deeper into burrito bliss. I look into the sky, to see a bright rectangular sun, hot rays shine onto my skin, and I can barely make out the words "Taqueria Portland" silhouetted against the glow.

...

It's a bit like this cat's experience with friskies.

This burrito makes me want to lower the ratings of all the other burritos I have ever reviewed. It's the best burrito I have ever eaten in Portland. I also got to taste the carnitas and chile verde, both of which were also spectacular. I had to leave .1 just in case I find a better burrito... just in case...

I wish I was eating one right now. You definitely should be- there's really no other reason to exist.


*UPDATE*

I have subsequently returned to this establishment numerous times, and the burrito was never quite as good as the first time. I would rate it at 4.4 stars average.

*UPDATE #2*

Taqueria Portland, as we once knew it, has closed. However, they have a new location at 820 SE 8th, between Morrison and Belmont Streets. The atmosphere is shinier (the lighting almost oppressive), but the people and food are generally the same.

Santeria

This tiny joint is a Portland institution; wedged in between Mary's and Tugboat, right across from Bailey's. You can have yourself a fine little night without ever leaving this block! It's generally jam packed, blasting metal music, and ill staffed- but just shut up and enjoy it! Impress your out-of-town friends with a true Portland experience. Enjoy the company of burnt out bums and strung out strippers whilst consuming a massive burrito attack! Don't forget to use the bathroom while you're here, as it is shared with Mary's. You sneaky little devil, you. If you're really bad, they'll deliver your food to you at Mary's, so you can get off in more ways than one! If you're well groomed and boring, they'll deliver it to you at Bailey's.

Here's a link to their MENU.

Chile Relleno Burrito, Santeria Style

Ingredients: Pinto beans, rice, relleno, pico, guacamole sauce. Smothered in verde sauce, cheese, sour cream.

Price: $9.25 + $2.25 (Santeria Style) = $11.50

Sides: 3 tasty hot sauces, Margarita

Size: GARGANTUAN

This sucker is the most expensive burrito I've reviewed on my blog so far. Especially when you add in the strong $7 margarita you'll no doubt order as well! So, it's not a cheap date... so what?

It's also the largest burrito I've reviewed thus far, about the size of a small/medium child. Almost as wide as it is long.

I was so eager to delve into this brute, that I nearly burnt my tongue off! HOT STUFF! The flavors weren't super titillating (perhaps because of my scorched taste buds), but a little hot sauce brought it up a notch or two. Getting it smothered added an exciting, saucy dimension. The relleno was scrumptious, though it was hidden deep within the burrito body. I had to make my way through a stockpile of meh rice and beans before hitting the pleasurable treasure trove. I was surprised with myself as I kept shoveling the monster down my gullet, without swelling up and passing out. Then, towards the end, it hit me! Burritoed-out-stonedness. No need to purchase street drugs outside the door, just finish off one of these bountiful beasts and stumble on home; eyes aglow with the night's shenanigans.

The Rating:

The experience is worth a 5, but the burrito itself gets:

3.4 out of 5

Tito's Burritos

What could be better than a unexpected surprise burrito, delivered right to you? NOTHING! This is what happened to me, when my love brought home the greatest gift one can give another. He got my present from Tito's Burritos, which is a cart located in Downtown at SW 3rd and Washington.

Chile Relleno Burrito

Ingredients: Pinto beans, chile relleno, rice, pico, cheeeeeese

Price: About 5 bucks

Length: 7 inches

Circumference: 8.75 inches

Sides: 2 different reds, and a green salsa

You may have noticed that I have an affinity for this type of burrito. I mean seriously people, it's a chile stuffed with cheese, fried up, and wrapped in a tortilla with beans and rice! If that doesn't sound like the greatest-effing-thing you've ever heard of, then you better just back up off this site right now! Instead of going to a sit down Mexican restaurant, and purchasing a gloopy relleno plate for 12 bucks, you get all of that wrapped up in a happy little bundle for half the price! Mmm... but I do enjoy a nice evening out with a relleno platter, endless chips and salsa, a 32 oz margarita and mariachi music blasting in the background. I digress...

My favorite chile relleno burrito reigns from Super Torta, which is the gut-bombiest, yet most satisfying creation known to man. I can't help but compare all other chile relleno burritos to the one that holds such a special place in my heart.

Tito's offered a less-greasy, more delicate, yet flavorful version of the chile relleno burrito. Crisply coated, with a tender chile center, the relleno was cooked up to perfection with just a hint of grease, and plenty of the cheesy stuff. A fair amount of pico, not too much rice, and some perfect pintos brought it all back home. And the hot sauce was to die for darling, to die for.

Rating:

3.9 outta 5

Would I go here again?

Of course! Would like to try other items.

California Dreamin'

LA is known by many as the birthplace of the Americanized burrito. According to Wikipedia: "In 1923, Alejandro Borquez opened the Sonora cafe in Los Angeles, which later changed its name to the El Cholo Spanish Cafe. Burritos first appeared on American restaurant menus at the El Cholo Spanish Cafe during the 1930s."

And what better place for the birth of burritos, than The City of Angels? Beneath all that asphalt and breast augmentation, lies an enduring Mexican heritage. The land that is now LA was destined to be settled by the Spanish, welcome its independence as part of Mexico, and finally to be sucked up by America in 1848. It has seen its share of plight and violence, class struggle, and cultural clashes. Perhaps the burrito, the embodiment of American overabundance with Mexican flavor, is the perfect amalgamation of these two cultures. Peace will prevail, wrapped in a flour tortilla!

I was in LA for 3 days and managed to eat 3 burritos in that time. Three for three, not too shabby. With the wealth of Mexican food in that part of the country, I could probably eat a burrito for every meal through an entire year, and still have more places to go! It was quite impressive, and if I had free rent and a chauffeur, I'd consider living there for a year to do just that. However, the plastic society would probably get to me after a while, and I'd come back to Portland not only fattened up, but severely resentful. Perhaps burrito coma bliss would keep me content and disconnected though.

 Lucy's Drive-in

First matter of business upon arrival after a 6 am flight? Breakfast, of course! I heard about Lucy's drive in on a website that rated it as LA's best budget breakfast burrito. It wasn't too far from the airport, so I figured, why not? This brightly colored hole the wall place, on the corner of two expansive roadways (damn LA, you have wide roads!) was inviting, yet disconcerting. We were starving and tired, so we really didn't care what we ate, as long as it was in the shape of food.

I got my breakfast burrito with eggs, bacon, cheese, and beans (I asked for potatoes but maybe they didn't have any?). Beans on a breakfast burrito may sound a bit strange, but it was actually pretty damn tasty. The eggs were fluffy, the bacon crisp and salty, and the smidgen of refried beans glued it all together. The tortilla was perfecto and fresh. Could there be better breakfast burritos out there? No doubt, but this sufficed just fine.

La Azteca Tortilleria

 

Mission style church across from La Azteca

This tortilla-making LA institution is easy to miss, yet it's been in operation for 65 years. I read somewhere that they make the best burrito, so off we went on a burrito-inspired adventure to East LA When we arrived, the owner informed us that they were closed, then proceeded to take our order anyway. Perhaps he could see the desperation in my eyes, perhaps he knew the distance I had traveled to sample this burrito. No, not the journey from Oregon, but the trip across LA.

So I ordered the Chile Relleno Burrito, a rich yet simple concoction of fried up, cheese stuffed, egg battered, fire roasted poblano, refried beans, and pico. The chile was tender and savory with a touch of sweetness, gooey cheese oozing out with each bite. The tortilla was flaky and scrumptious and obviously fresh. However, I was disappointed overall with the supposed best burrito around. It was far too greasy, and you should all know I like my fair share of grease, but this was beyond my threshold. It could have thrown more of a punch, a kick to the teeth, if you will. I wanted more, more than it could give. This chile relleno burrito couldn't touch that of my neighborhood place, Super Torta.

Perhaps one thing I learned from this experience is that you can't trust the publicity one place receives over another. It's those little nooks and crannies yet to be discovered, that hold something genuine. These are the places I aspire to find. If I had more time to search in that giant monster of a city, I'm sure I could have found pure burrito perfection.

 

 

Holy Guacamole

So this place wasn't in LA per se, but in Santa Monica. What a strange-ass "town" that was!  I was next to the ocean, and I really wanted those famous baja fish tacos you always hear about. What was a girl to do? So I heard about this place, and how they had deep fried fish tacos and burritos, and I thought it would make me very very happy.

I was wrong. It sucked. The end.