Upside Down

I've wanted to check this place out ever since it opened last summer. I always said this spot in Brooklyn needed a good taco truck, and what it got is so much more than that! This cart/patio space serves burritos, burgers, beer, etc. and is located on SE Milwaukie and Franklin, south of Powell.

My lovies! Aren't they cute? We went here for a Mother's Day late lunch/early dinner when it was almost 90 degrees. It's a cozy space, and we opted to sit inside out of the sun, but it was quite stuffy. I'm sure they'll get fans going as summer approaches. Besides, I got a free mimosa, so it's all good. I'm going to make a t-shirt that says: "I pushed a human being out of my cooch, and all I got was a free mimosa." Perfect. So worth it.

The Pio Pio Burrito

Price: $7.00

Ingredients: Roasted pork, pinto beans, rice, cheese, sour cream, cilantro, onions

Size: Gigantic!

Sides: Habanero and green salsa

There's just one burrito listed on the menu, but you get to choose your own adventure. Ahem, I mean protein- choose your own protein (or braised greens, if you swing that way). They didn't skimp on the pork in this big guy, and it lived in that magical realm in between tenderness and chewiness; succulence. With a bit of sweetness. The beans were happy little hoppers, and the cheese and sour cream softened it all into a melty blissful jump-for-joy-roll-down-a-hill affair. A hazy, lazy, dizziness takes hold and you curl up beneath the canopy of a warm summer tree. Dream and digest, sweet daisy... dream a dream for me, little deer.

Ha, but yes, it was good! A pop more spice would have been nice, but with a dash of that habanero salsa, it was fantastic.

The Rating

3.9 out of 5.

Yep, I'd go again!

Tight Tacos

(Let's all just take a moment to giggle at the name...)

Wow guys, just wow. It's been nearly a year since my last post. Did you think I vanished from the face of the Earth, never to eat another burrito for the rest of eternity? That would be a huge bummer. Some things have changed, but I'm still here, and still eating burritos! So lets get to it, shall we?

Did you know it's nearly impossible to find a taqueria in this town that's open on Sundays? REALLY Portland? Is Sunday only reserved for God... and brunch? Come on!

Luckily, Tight Tacos was there to save me from famine along the desolate stretches of depressed burritoless streets. It's located next to the mini mart on SE 39th (Cesar Chavez), just south of Belmont. It's the cutest al fresco taco stand/food cart ever!

The Carnitas Burrito

Price: $8.00

Ingredients: Pork, black beans, guacamole, Oaxacan cheese, crema

Size: Medium

Sides: red and green salsas

I don't think I'll ever get used to the $8 price tag that's attached to so many burritos these days. But if it's got quality ingredients, I try not to complain (at least not too much).

This beauty looked a little silly, as she was toasted down the sides instead of on top and bottom. But hey, it still added that bit of crunch to the tortilla!





Creamy, dreamy beans,
oh black beans!
Sweet and creamy beany love!
Come hither, little friends...
let me eat you one by one.
Let me drink you, slurp you up.
Ohhhhhh creamy dreamy sweet bean love.

Yeah I liked the beans, if you couldn't tell. I'm not always a fan of black beans, as they can be such little dried up heartless terds sometimes. These were creamy, sweet, dreamy little love bugs.

The pork had some savory flavory fatiness up in its business, but the texture through it off. Upon taking a bite, my teeth pulled out pieces of pork rather than chomping right through. A bit chewy, ya know? The guacamole and crema added some fresh cool zing that tamed down the pig salt. The cheese was good 'n gooey. The red and green salsas were perfecto! I do believe this burrito came out sideways, having been toasted down the sides and with the beans all shoved on one side and pork on the other. The ratio of beans to meat felt right though.

The Rating

3.7 outta 5

I would give it another try if I was jonesing on a Sunday again. I also tasted the asada taco, which was yummy and packed with meat, but I'm not here to review tacos... :-P

El Diablito

Back in May, I sought salvation from burrito mediocrity with help from my friend, Jesus. I was left with a bad taste in my mouth and overwhelming emptiness. Today, well... I decided to follow my soul in a different direction.

El Diablito is located on SE Belmont Street between 33rd and 34th in a tiny food cart pod. I was skeptical at first, because the cart itself had such an appealing aesthetic, which can mean overpriced gringo food.  It was just too sterile, and with the slogan: "Not a fusion. A Mexican Revolution" I became even more concerned. But Hell, I was hungry and there were good smells around.

The El Diablito Burrito

Price: $8.00

Ingredients: Chipotle pork, refried beans, cheese, avocado, lettuce, potato stick fries, salsa

Size: Totally filling

Sides: I asked for the habanero and green crema salsas. 

Sometimes, it takes days for me to muster up a halfhearted review... but not this time.

In fact, I just finished this guy and I couldn't wait to post about it! I haven't been so excited about a review in a really long time.

I'm melting right now just by reliving that first moment, when this little devil whispered into my ear and I gave in and embarked down into the fiery abyss of burrito bliss. 

Upon first taste, I was met with the most heavenly mouthful of succulent pork I've had in a really long time. Tender, juicy, exquisitely spiced... Transcending time and space and pleasure and pain.

That pork, holy crap... that pork! It's suppleness and heat was perfectly balanced by the crisp, cool lettuce (just a tiny bit) and fresh avocado. After a couple of bites, another layer of flavor began to effervesce through the porky chipotle, and I realized it was the potato stick fries. Flowing up and down one side of this guy, these crunchy little potato explosions were simply delightful. To die for! They were like super crispy hashbrown morsels, infused with extreme potato flavor. EXTREME! The refried beans were tough to come by, but the ones I did find were scrumptious. The strange thing about this guy was that for all of that pork love, there was no grease. How does that happen? Amazing!

So many layers of intertwined flavors happening here, it was like being spun through a web of everything and nothingness all at once. Like becoming completely lost -yet found- beyond the confines of physicality. I need to take the rest of the day to let this one simmer and swoon and sink back down onto planet Earth.

The Rating

4.5 out of 5 stars

Thank you little devil, for this grand adventure!

El Guero

It's been a while, hasn't it friends? But have no fear- I am here for you! I know my true fans won't give up on me and my incessant search for Portland's best burrito. Even if I don't post anything for a while, I'm simply meditating on all of my prior burrito experiences. Breathing in the good, and releasing the bad.

El Guero is located in the Rose City Food Park, at Sandy and 52nd ave. I stopped by after getting a massage, because what's more cleansing and healthy than eating a big greasy burrito right after some rejuvenative healing?

The Carnitas Burrito

Price: $5.50

Ingredients: Pork, beans, guacamole, cheese, rice, pico

Size: Medium

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

The pork was a bit dry and on the tough side. It lacked that juicy in the middle, crisp around the edges goodness that my soul so desires. The flavor was ok. The beans were decent, and the guacamole was pretty good. It wasn't overloaded with rice, so that's a bonus. Ugh... it's been so long since I've written about burritos, I was hoping I would have some joyous sensory language to engage you with. Unfortunately, this burrito inspired very little. Sorry friends- "ok", "decent", and "pretty good" are all the lackluster descriptors I can muster right now. I'll just have to take a deep breath and exhale this one out.

The Rating

2.4 out of 5 stars

Jesusito Tacos

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I had this burrito yesterday. After suffering a morning of self loathing for no real reason, I figured I could use some help from a little Jesus. We can all use a little more Jesus in our lives, and if he's got burritos, all the better.

Jesusito Tacos is located on the corner of SE 72nd and Flavel, in the Brentwood Darlington neighborhood, or as I like to call it, Felony Flats. Although I think many of the felons are sadly getting priced out. But hey, you can still find a 2 bedroom home down here for under $300k. Plus, you can walk around in bright pink bugs bunny pajama pants and no one will bat an eyelash. No disrespect, I'm saying this is really a win/win place to live.

The Carnitas

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Pork, rice, beans, cheese, sour cream, onion, cilantro

Size:  Big

Sides: Orange and Green Salsa

So I really wanted the chile relleno burrito, but they were out, so I settled for my old standby- carnitas.

Upon first taste, the meat was a bit dry and unappetizing. It had a grayish hue, which was unsettling, as I like my pork to be pinkish. It wasn't foul, but it wasn't good either. The beans were nice enough and the cheese was melty and yummy. The orange sauce was bomb. But I couldn't get past the pork and had to quit just over half way through.

This little Jesus didn't save me today, and he left a strange taste in my mouth.

The Rating:

.5 stars out of 5

Gonzalez Taqueria

This little taco truck is in the Overlook neighborhood, sitting next to a gas station on Killingsworth, just west of Interstate Ave. I've been wanting to try it for a long time, but it's limited hours (9am-6pm, M-F) have prevented that. So, I was super excited to finally have the privilege. If you don't want to sit in the covered seating area, you can grab a burrito and head over to the bluff for a nice view while you eat. Bring lots of napkins, perhaps a bib.

Waiting in line, I could tell this place was packed with locals who love it. The owners were super friendly and chatting with everyone. They were sweeties.

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Carnitas, rice, beans, pico, cheese

Sides: 4 tasty salsas

Size: Perfecto

Upon the initial unwrapping of this burrito, I noted the perfectly toasty tortilla, with its happy little brown freckles smiling up at me. The underbelly, however, was saturated with a greasy sheen. After the first bite, I was a smitten kitten. Luscious, fluffy flakes of braised pork tickled my receptors, burrowing deep into my core, searching out my soul. My heart was set all aflutter as I sampled the wealth of salsa delights. The fresh pico tunneling through the central burrito zone was the perfect counterpoint to the greasy pork. The minimal amount of rice cradled the main ingredients, letting them shine while soaking in the porky juices. Despite the escaped grease, this guy held together fine. Whether it was the humidity or the intensity of flavors, I do not know, but when it was all said and done I had my own glossy sheen- of sweat. Our fluids mingled, my soul was touched... I just might be in love (or lust).

The Rating

4.2 outta 5 stars. I'm drooling over it right now.

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La Catrina

Twas an overly hot Thursday in the Ides of March. The midday sun beat down through my streaky windshield, glaring into my angry eyes. Determined, I made my way through the outer reaches of Southeast Portland, and on into Clackamas County. Onward I went, weaving down potholed streets past mossy roofed ramshackle houses, rusting vehicles parked on lawns, and crusty shirtless pot bellied old men smoking cheap stogies on porches. Beads of sweat balled up on my forehead as I approached my destination- The DEQ. Tension filled my every crevice as I pulled nervously into lane 4. My nearly 20 year old Taurus has seen better days, and perhaps this would be its day to die. Luckily though, the old beater passed its emissions test with flying colors. Even though the stoically silent beast of a woman who stamped my certificate didn't seem to share my enthusiasm, I decided to reward myself for being such a good little citizen. The best way to do this? Well, you know...

Taqueria La Catrina is a food truck located at 9603 SE 82nd Ave, South of Johnson Creek, North of Otty Rd. It's pushed back from the street between a McDonalds and a cigarette store, across from the Best Buy/Babies R Us. So yeah, basically it's in the center of Hell. You'd never know it was there if you didn't have spies scoping out places for you (thanks Ben).

The Carnitas

Price: $6

Ingredients: Pork, onion, cilantro, beans, rice, cheese

Sides: Red and Green salsa

Size: Big Old Momma

Hot and hungry, frazzled and fatigued, lugging my ponderous plastic bag of burrito across the dusty lot to my car, I felt a bit like Sisyphus. This day, the heat, the incessant cars motoring down 82nd, the chore of ordinary life, weighing down on me like a perpetual game of boulder tag.

But, I hopped in my car and high tailed it home, to my haven. Just me with a giant meat filled tube of love as my copilot.

Slowly, the wrapper unfurled and out rolled a plump beefy bulldog of a burrito- wrinkly and solid. Upon first bite, a mouthful of soft juicy pig meat filled my food hole. It was tender and flaky, yet the texture could have been more dynamic- it lacked that crisp braised edge I love so dearly in my Carnitas. The dispersion of ingredients was nice (plenty of meat), but there was too much onion. The astringency overwhelmed the porky saltiness my cheeks so yearned for. Cheese and beans were tasty. It was dense and heavy, and as my belly filled, the heaviness of existence floated away and my meltdown was staved off for another day.

The Rating

3.7 outta 5.

Would I go here again? 

Sure, the next time around.

Taqueria El Cazador

Located at lovely SE 102nd and Foster, across from an electrical substation and next to a junk yard, this humble little taqueria is a breath of burritowy fresh air. I find myself wandering further and further to find new burritos these days. Life is just so hard for an old washed up burrito junkie.

Carnitas

Price: $4.99

Ingredients: Pork, rice, beans, onion, cilantro, cheese

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Medium

Honestly, it's been a while since I actually ate this burrito, and it wasn't incredibly memorable. I'm sorry. Is this the worst post so far? Probably. The pictures are crappy unedited cell phone shots and I can't think of any taste bud teasing adjectives. Don't give up on the me though, people! I'll try harder next time. I just need to find a really good burrito that I haven't tried yet! What's your favorite burrito, guys? Maybe I'm just kind of lonely and talking to myself and hoping internet people will comment about their favorite burritos instead of being mean... I need some inspiration!

The Rating:

2.5 stars out of 5. 

El Local

Howdy friends! Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. You see, I was in Mexico (aka my heaven), and then there was all that holiday crap going on, but now I'm back and ready to get on with it! Today I was quite hungrily driving around in search of new uncharted burrito territory, when I remembered The Central Eastside Food Cart Pod located on MLK, just south of Stark. I've seen it many times, but never stopped. Thankfully, this little truck was nestled right in the back, and open for burrito business.

Guacamole Carnitas Burrito

 Price: $7.00

Ingredients: Carnitas (pork), guacamole, cheese, rice, beans

Sides: Green mild and greenish yellow hot salsa

Size: GARGANTUANASAURUS!









One massive MASSIVE beast, this sucker was about as big as my head! 4 bites across with each
pass, its girth was approaching that of a regulation football. When you factor that in, the $7 price tag doesn't seem too steep after all.

I've been fooled by big burritos before, so size really doesn't matter much to me anymore. It's not about the size, it's about the flavor, baby! And that, my friends, is where this puppy fell flat. The ingredients were all fresh, nicely layered, nothing wrong with them... they just lacked that punch in the gut! The pork was supple, but my tasters longed for more peppery pig gusto. The guacamole was a nice bonus, but there was too much rice. Another burrito that wasn't bad, but just wasn't murderously good either. If you're looking to feed a small family, or gain 5 pounds in one sitting, this is the place for you though!

The Rating

3 out of 5. 

Would I go here again?

Perhaps I would try the spicy shrimp burrito.

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Los Alambres

An oasis in a desert of sketchy car dealerships, Los Alambres is set in the epicenter of Portland's undeniable stretch of societal detritus. We silly inner Portland dwellers pretend 82nd Avenue doesn't exist, unless of course we need to purchase some cheap _____ (fill in the blank with anything). This cart is a few blocks south of Stark, at 1134 SE 82nd, in the parking lot of a Panaderia. Stop by after you shop at Target, or if you're dodging an angry pimp or something...

A wide variety of Mexican fare is offered here, far beyond the typical taco and burrito grub you find at most places. The 17 Torta choices tempt (head cheese, anyone?), and they appear to be the specialty here. I, of course, had to go with a burrito.

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $5.50

Ingredients: Pork, Rice, Beans, Avocado, Sour Cream, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheese

Sides: Red and Green

Size: Big, but not HUGE

Firstly, it took forever for this burrito to come out. I was hungry, drenched from hiking in a downpour, and wanted to be off of stinky 82nd ASAP, and this took... forever! They were out of chicken, which is what my boyfriend had ordered, so I guess they just decided to serve everyone else who came after us first, before asking what we'd like instead. Lame, but hopefully just a one off thing.

Setting aside my angry yelp reviewer style bitchiness, let's get on with the burrito review!

The ingredients all laid nicely within the squishy chewy tortilla, with just the right helping of each- just a little lettuce, a fair amount of cheese, a good hunk of pork. However, nothing blew me away- everything was simply standard. The carnitas lacked that braised crisp edge and inner melty juiciness I love, though it was tender and pulled apart nicely. This undistinguished burrito begged for lots of the smokey red and creamy green salsas to keep it appealing. 

The Rating

3.3 stars. Another average hombre. 

Would I go here again? If I'm ever unfortunate enough to end up in this part of town, perhaps I'd try another option.


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Torres de Morelos

Conveniently located on bustling Powell Blvd at SE 31st between a brewpub and a strip club, a mechanic and a cheap hotel. Who could ask for more? Heh. This truck offers every part of an animal you could want!

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $5.00

Ingredients: Pork, beans, rice, cheese

Size: Mondo

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

This was one giant lumpy son of a biz-natch. Huge? Yes. Tasty? No. Greasy chewy flavorless meat. There's not much worse than getting 1/2 way through a burrito and realizing you just can't eat anymore. I have nothing else to say.

The Rating:

0.7 out of 5

Ole Frijole

Cleverly named Ole Frijole is on the busy corner of NE Killingsworth and 42nd Ave. Charming and inviting in its simplicity, this modest little place offers all of the taqueria standards. The people are beyond friendly, making you feel truly welcome.

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Carnitas, rice, pinto (or black) beans, cheese, sour cream, lettuce

Sides: Delicious array of salsas, habanero cabbage, and pickled jalepeno carrots

Size: SUPER filling

Firstly, this may be my favorite array of burrito condiments ever! The hot red salsa had a kick, but not overwhelmingly so. It had this emergent flavor that made me suck on the insides of my cheeks after each bite, in an attempt to extract every possible drop of the spicy goodness. I can still feel it in my taste buds. Do I even need to mention that the habanero cabbage was absolutely brilliant and booming? The green salsa was perfect for soothing the tongue between spicier bites.

Now, for the burrito! The ingredients were fresh and flavorful, merging seamlessly as they swirled around and around in my mouth like an eddying stream. As you can see in my pictures, ingredient dispersion was off, with too much lettuce and sour cream at the beginning. As I progressed onward, more and more flaky pink pork pieces and beany love emerged.

Chowing down on this guy was like reading a good book; foreboding (could this just be another evil lettuce burrito?), mounting pressure (it's getting better...), engaging plot twists (pork, salsa, pork, cheese!), climax (om nom nom nom), and slowly all the loose ends get tied up into a happy ending (FULL BELLY ME FEEL GOOD).

The Rating

3.8 outta 5- there's always room for more pork.

Will I be back? Yes, if I lived closer this would be on my continuous rotation of burrito joints!