Tienda Santa Cruz

I went on a burrito pilgrimage the other day, to experience the grub from a taqueria in the back of a little market. Located at 8630 North Lombard Street in St Johns, this nondescript, shabby little place could easily be missed. You'd never expect such a bustling place shoved in the back, though it felt more like a cafeteria than a restaurant.  Very utilitarian- no extravagance needed.


They were also cranking out some super delicious looking pastries, if you want desert. Not that you'll need it!

Asada Burrito

Ingredients: Asada, beans, rice, cilantro, onion, cheese

Price: $4.50

Sides: Red and Green Salsa, Pastry for desert!

Size: Medium-big

I've always hated the word "authentic." What amount of truth can such a word hold in modern society? Culture is a mixed up mess; mocking its predecessors, constantly changing, building on its own forgotten history. Nothing is "real," yet everything is.

However, authentic is the word that comes to mind when describing this burrito experience. Although, there was no one slaughtering goats out back (at least I don't think so). Plus, I don't even consider burritos authentic Mexican cuisine, but somehow, this was really really real. Pure and simple.

The tortilla was phenomenally crisp and chewy at the same time. How'd they do that? There was too much of it, but it was so yummy that I didn't care. The thinly sliced steak was subtle and savory, if a bit on the chewy side. The rice and beans added little to the overall essence. Cilantro and onion. Yeah!

But... the whole time I was eating, I was wishing that I had gotten the tacos instead. I know... I know... I'm a burrito junkie- tacos are for pansies, right? But hear me out. This was like eating a giant taco; it was just too much of the same thing. If I were eating a variety of tacos, fresh squeezes of lime every now and then... it would have been heavenly! When I'm chowing down on a burrito, I want that juicy, saucy, cheesy, oozy, dynamic mesh of flavors and textures tickling my senses. This was just too simple, too primordial.

If you're taking it back, taking it waaaaaaaaaaay back, taking it to the street... take it to the tacos.

The Rating

3 out of 5

if it were tacos and I was the taco aficionado... a million out of 5! 

Cha Cha Cha

Cha Cha Cha is a local Portland chain. I visited the one located in Sellwood, at 1605 SE Bybee. It's in a colorful foursquare style home, which makes for a bright, funky, inviting atmosphere. Wherever you are, you probably aren't far from a Cha Cha Cha.

Chile Verde Burrito

Ingredients: Pork in Tomatillo Sauce, Rice, Refried beans, Guacamole, Pico, Cheese

Price: $6.50

Size: Acceptable

Sides: Red and Green Sauce

It looked pretty! As for the taste, it was tantalizingly... devoid. It brought about lucid memories... of all those boring gringo burritos I've had in the past. Experiences like this blend together in a swirling, whirling, empty hole in my brain. Once it's unwrapped from it's pretty yellow paper, I couldn't pick it out of a lineup of suspect burritos. Can't you just see them all lined up against a wall, drooping over sadly, as they try to stand upright?

"Turn to the left!"

It seemed decently fresh, I'll give it that much. At least it wasn't made from dehydrated bean packets and partially hydrogenated soybean scum scraped from the bottom of an enormous vat in a rat infested factory in the outskirts of Chicago. The plethora of rice, mixed with the minuscule amount of pork, was like hunting for "a needle in a haystack" or going on a "wild goose chase." Inspiring nothing, but hackneyed adages. Expected, so expected. A burrito for the novice. A burrito for the children. A burrito for someone who fears Mexican food. A burrito that doesn't fill up that hollow feeling, no matter how big it is. You are nothing to me! NOTHING!

The Rating

1.5 outta 5 stars

Ok, I understand that a lot of people like Cha Cha Cha... Take your kids their for quesadillas. Take your grandparents there for a friendly atmosphere, and food that won't wreck any sensitive intestines. You stick to your banal burritos. I'll stick to my trashed-out-greasy-fatty-heart-attack-delights, thank you very much.

Cha Cha Cha? Try Cha Cha BLAH!

La Merced

 

 

 Located in inner SE Portland, on Clay between Water and 2nd ave, right next to the train tracks. This little taco truck literally shook as an Amtrak sped by right behind it. A sensible menu, with your typical selections, and a few spunky vegetarian options. The folks working here were extremely friendly and their happy demeanor alone could draw me back.

 

The Poblano Burrito

 

Ingredients: Smoked poblano peppers, corn, black beans, rice, potatoes, cilantro, caramelized onion, sour cream and queso fresco

Price: $6.00

Size: Gigante! 

Sides: Red and Green Salsa


Nothing is quite like parking in the bright January sunshine, a big burrito sittin' in your lap, just waiting to be savored. Watching the world pass you by as you indulge and soak in some rays filled with good old vitamin D.

This sucker was ENORMOUS! You could definitely feed a small village for 6 bucks. Though I was consuming an unprecedented amount of food, it felt ok, because it had vegetables in it! That's healthy, right? The peppers were sweet, tangy, fresh and perfectly roasted, and the onion added a subtle sweetness as well. The beans, corn, and potatoes were on the mellow side, but well textured.  All the ingredients converged nicely within their tortilla skin, and were well dispersed. I would have liked more spice and more cheese. I appreciate the creative innovation behind this veggie option, not your standard old "rice, beans, lettuce" foo-hah. Oh, and the red salsa was fabulous!

The Rating

3.2 outta 5

Will I go here again?

I would love to try a more meaty option, and like I said, they are soooooo nice!

Reflections on 2012...

What a fantastic year! I began burrito blogging back in March, and have been able to rate about 18 different burritos in Portland since then. That averages about 2 new burritos a month- not too bad. My goal for the next year is to continue consuming as many burritos as possible, and to review any new undertakings. I've only nipped at the toes of Portland's many glorious taquerias. I have found many average burritos in my journey, some really bad ones, and a couple super tasty beasts! I am excited to find more top notch tortilla-wrapped pieces of heaven in 2013.

My Top 5 Burritos of 2012

1. Super Torta- Chile Relleno Burrito

2. Torta-Landia- Carnitas del Diablo Burrito

3. El Gallo- Carnitas Burrito

4. Tito's Burritos- Chile Relleno Burrito

5. Mi Mero Mole-  Rajas con Crema Burrito

Upon going over my list of top burritos, I realize that the top 3 are all pretty close to my house. Though I'm lucky to live in such a burrito-rich neighborhood, my goal for this year is to branch out and explore the fringes of this city to find some lesser-known-hole-in-the-wall-joints. I'll also try to expand on my burrito selection- as you can see, I'm drawn to carnitas and chile relleno burritos. They're just so damn delicious!

I would also like to remind everyone that my quest for the best burrito is a very personal undertaking. I hope that some of you take my recommendations and enjoy the suggested burritos, but I encourage everyone to be their own burrito junkie. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, there is a burrito waiting for you! Eat up, sucka!

Torta-Landia

Located just off SE Foster, across from the bike shop on 60th. This is one of those "cool" new hangouts that are popping up in the evolving Foster-Powell neighborhood. I found it to be a rather comfy joint to enjoy a drink, good company, and perhaps some decent Mexican grub. I tried not to be too judgmental of the plethora of plaided and mustachioed clientele. Alright alright, I wear plaid all the time.

Sorry for the crappy pictures.

I hate the name. The name is the reason it took me so long to check this place out. We get it, ok? Portlandia... hardy-har-har. Now STOP! With a name like that, I expected little more than bland white rice, mill-worm-textured black beans straight from a can, and two pumps of sour cream. But I heard good things, so I decided to check it out.

It was a Sunday night, around 6:30. The place was packed, and as I looked around I noticed everyone had a number sitting on their table. One dude was cooking away in the kitchen, another guy taking orders and making drinks. Ok, I thought, this could take a while... so I ordered a beer and prepared to settle in.  At least the space was cozy, and my beer tasted fine.

40 minutes later, and the burritos finally show up. Apparently, this is not the place to go if you are looking for a fast, cheap, on-the-go burrito. I'm sure they aren't always this busy, so maybe you can catch them at an off-hour. I am not patient when I'm waiting for a burrito to stuff into my face, but luckily the beer tided me over.

Carnitas del Diablo Burrito

Ingredients: Carnitas sauteed with habanero and jalepeno peppers, borracho (drunken) beans, rice, cilantro lime crema, oaxaca cheese, habanero salsa.

Price: $8.00

Size: Plenty filling

Sides: Beer. No salsas needed.

A descriptive menu can be a good sign, or an indication of mediocre food being covered by flowery language. This is an example of the former.

What a beautiful burrito. A decadent mass, thoughtfully sliced at an angle, the halves arranged in an overlapping burrito love pile, stabbed through the heart with a toothpick, cilantro sprinkled on top, and two sweet little lime wedges on the side.  Presentation wins a 10.

The tortilla's crispy outer crust can be attributed to a well-executed, post-wrapped grill job, sealing this steamy sucker closed. The inner gooey gastrointestinal goodness, well encapsulated within its flaky brown toasted skin. Whole, complete, newly brought into existence, only to be mercilessly chopped in half moments later. The cheesy life blood oozes free from it's confining shell, a healthy layer of translucently orange porky grease following suit. Sacrificed for aesthetics and pure culinary enjoyment, the beast screams "EAT ME!" with it's dying breath.

The stimulating strings of succulent swine, sauteed with jalapeno and habanero peppers, warmed the cheeks and got the blood a-flowing. The ambrosial borracho beans allured and alleviated my tongue, complimenting the peppery pig morsels. A thick, generous dose of creamy oaxaca queso slid down my gullet in globs of fluttery, buttery, heart palpitations. A fresh squeeze of lime every now and again brought an astringent undertone to the palate, whirling about in the dynamic mesh of rich, savory, tingly, glutinous amor.

My tastebuds didn't register the "cilantro lime crema," perhaps if this were placed on the side for dipping, it's subtle, cooling capabilities would become more prevalent.

A contemplatively distinct burrito. Not your simple traditional taqueria concoction, and unlike the boring bland gringo wrap that is generally expelled from such "Portlandia" establishments.

The Rating

4.4 outta 5

The wait was pretty crazy, and 8 bucks is a pretty high price for a burrito, but I would do it all over again my friend.

**UPDATE**

In subsequent visits, the burritos have never been this good, in fact, I would have to drop the rating down a full star, to 3.4.

Teco's

It's late. You're hungry. You're driving down Powell Blvd. You see Teco's. It's open. It's just one right turn away, at 42nd and Powell. You waver. What is this place? Is anyone even in there? Are you going to get murdered while ordering at the drive thru on the other side of the building? Hunger takes over. You pull around back. Words come out of your mouth, but you don't comprehend them. What is making you do this? Hunger. Abandon. God help you.

The Vegetarian Burrito

Ok, it's not that scary... really. Teco's is just the kind of place that you notice, but never patronize. It's on the way to other places. You speed past it, heading towards better things. Now I love my greasy little taquerias, but something about this place is just different... It's like an abandoned ghetto fast food place.

I got the veggie burrito.

Ingredients: beans, rice, cheese, lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, pico

Price: $4.50

Size: Small-Mid

Sides: 2 flavorless, watery salsas.



Ok, so I went into this with low expectations (and perhaps outright fear). But I always set my preconceptions aside when it comes down to it, and hone in on the burrito at hand.

Upon my first bite, I got a mouthful of COLD watery iceberg lettuce and unmelted mild cheddar. This happens sometimes with veggie burritos, so I kept eating, hoping to dig up more sustenance. I got to a smidgen of cold refried beans and rice, hidden in the entanglement of lettuce. The pico was alright, but offered no real solace from the flavorless mass. The salsas were very mild and watery, and clear liquid seeped from the bottom of the burrito. It was essentially like chewing cold textured water. I should have trusted my instincts on this place.

 

The Rating

0.2 out of 5 stars

The .2 is for being open late.

I never thought I would utter the words... you're better off going 10 more blocks to Taco Bell. However, if there is a brave soul out there who is willing to try their meaty burritos, let me know how that goes... maybe they are out-of-this-world-fan-fucking-tastic!

Tito's Burritos

What could be better than a unexpected surprise burrito, delivered right to you? NOTHING! This is what happened to me, when my love brought home the greatest gift one can give another. He got my present from Tito's Burritos, which is a cart located in Downtown at SW 3rd and Washington.

Chile Relleno Burrito

Ingredients: Pinto beans, chile relleno, rice, pico, cheeeeeese

Price: About 5 bucks

Length: 7 inches

Circumference: 8.75 inches

Sides: 2 different reds, and a green salsa

You may have noticed that I have an affinity for this type of burrito. I mean seriously people, it's a chile stuffed with cheese, fried up, and wrapped in a tortilla with beans and rice! If that doesn't sound like the greatest-effing-thing you've ever heard of, then you better just back up off this site right now! Instead of going to a sit down Mexican restaurant, and purchasing a gloopy relleno plate for 12 bucks, you get all of that wrapped up in a happy little bundle for half the price! Mmm... but I do enjoy a nice evening out with a relleno platter, endless chips and salsa, a 32 oz margarita and mariachi music blasting in the background. I digress...

My favorite chile relleno burrito reigns from Super Torta, which is the gut-bombiest, yet most satisfying creation known to man. I can't help but compare all other chile relleno burritos to the one that holds such a special place in my heart.

Tito's offered a less-greasy, more delicate, yet flavorful version of the chile relleno burrito. Crisply coated, with a tender chile center, the relleno was cooked up to perfection with just a hint of grease, and plenty of the cheesy stuff. A fair amount of pico, not too much rice, and some perfect pintos brought it all back home. And the hot sauce was to die for darling, to die for.

Rating:

3.9 outta 5

Would I go here again?

Of course! Would like to try other items.