Upside Down

I've wanted to check this place out ever since it opened last summer. I always said this spot in Brooklyn needed a good taco truck, and what it got is so much more than that! This cart/patio space serves burritos, burgers, beer, etc. and is located on SE Milwaukie and Franklin, south of Powell.

My lovies! Aren't they cute? We went here for a Mother's Day late lunch/early dinner when it was almost 90 degrees. It's a cozy space, and we opted to sit inside out of the sun, but it was quite stuffy. I'm sure they'll get fans going as summer approaches. Besides, I got a free mimosa, so it's all good. I'm going to make a t-shirt that says: "I pushed a human being out of my cooch, and all I got was a free mimosa." Perfect. So worth it.

The Pio Pio Burrito

Price: $7.00

Ingredients: Roasted pork, pinto beans, rice, cheese, sour cream, cilantro, onions

Size: Gigantic!

Sides: Habanero and green salsa

There's just one burrito listed on the menu, but you get to choose your own adventure. Ahem, I mean protein- choose your own protein (or braised greens, if you swing that way). They didn't skimp on the pork in this big guy, and it lived in that magical realm in between tenderness and chewiness; succulence. With a bit of sweetness. The beans were happy little hoppers, and the cheese and sour cream softened it all into a melty blissful jump-for-joy-roll-down-a-hill affair. A hazy, lazy, dizziness takes hold and you curl up beneath the canopy of a warm summer tree. Dream and digest, sweet daisy... dream a dream for me, little deer.

Ha, but yes, it was good! A pop more spice would have been nice, but with a dash of that habanero salsa, it was fantastic.

The Rating

3.9 out of 5.

Yep, I'd go again!

El Diablito

Back in May, I sought salvation from burrito mediocrity with help from my friend, Jesus. I was left with a bad taste in my mouth and overwhelming emptiness. Today, well... I decided to follow my soul in a different direction.

El Diablito is located on SE Belmont Street between 33rd and 34th in a tiny food cart pod. I was skeptical at first, because the cart itself had such an appealing aesthetic, which can mean overpriced gringo food.  It was just too sterile, and with the slogan: "Not a fusion. A Mexican Revolution" I became even more concerned. But Hell, I was hungry and there were good smells around.

The El Diablito Burrito

Price: $8.00

Ingredients: Chipotle pork, refried beans, cheese, avocado, lettuce, potato stick fries, salsa

Size: Totally filling

Sides: I asked for the habanero and green crema salsas. 

Sometimes, it takes days for me to muster up a halfhearted review... but not this time.

In fact, I just finished this guy and I couldn't wait to post about it! I haven't been so excited about a review in a really long time.

I'm melting right now just by reliving that first moment, when this little devil whispered into my ear and I gave in and embarked down into the fiery abyss of burrito bliss. 

Upon first taste, I was met with the most heavenly mouthful of succulent pork I've had in a really long time. Tender, juicy, exquisitely spiced... Transcending time and space and pleasure and pain.

That pork, holy crap... that pork! It's suppleness and heat was perfectly balanced by the crisp, cool lettuce (just a tiny bit) and fresh avocado. After a couple of bites, another layer of flavor began to effervesce through the porky chipotle, and I realized it was the potato stick fries. Flowing up and down one side of this guy, these crunchy little potato explosions were simply delightful. To die for! They were like super crispy hashbrown morsels, infused with extreme potato flavor. EXTREME! The refried beans were tough to come by, but the ones I did find were scrumptious. The strange thing about this guy was that for all of that pork love, there was no grease. How does that happen? Amazing!

So many layers of intertwined flavors happening here, it was like being spun through a web of everything and nothingness all at once. Like becoming completely lost -yet found- beyond the confines of physicality. I need to take the rest of the day to let this one simmer and swoon and sink back down onto planet Earth.

The Rating

4.5 out of 5 stars

Thank you little devil, for this grand adventure!

Torres de Morelos

Conveniently located on bustling Powell Blvd at SE 31st between a brewpub and a strip club, a mechanic and a cheap hotel. Who could ask for more? Heh. This truck offers every part of an animal you could want!

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $5.00

Ingredients: Pork, beans, rice, cheese

Size: Mondo

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

This was one giant lumpy son of a biz-natch. Huge? Yes. Tasty? No. Greasy chewy flavorless meat. There's not much worse than getting 1/2 way through a burrito and realizing you just can't eat anymore. I have nothing else to say.

The Rating:

0.7 out of 5

Left Coast Siesta

You've just spent a gorgeous day hopping in and out of frothy ice cold waves and searching for unbroken sand dollars. You hiked through a tangled stumpy rain forest and out into a rocky cove, and found yourself among many like you; sipping beer and letting their dogs run free in the breeze.

But now the sun is dipping below the horizon, and your stomach is howling. You head into the town of Manzanita, to a little "healthy" Mexican eatery called Left Coast Siesta. You'll find it next to the organic grocer and patchouli infused spa.

Spicy Pork Burrito

Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Pork, refried beans, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, olives, sunflower seeds, hot sauce

Sides: Chips, Salsa and Guacamole $3.50

Size: Honkin'

No, don't adjust your monitors- this is a green burrito. I opted for the spinach tortilla. This is one of those places where you have a lot of choices. I got everything on it, sans rice.  

Touted as a healthy hippie burrito, which I found to be only partly true. It was like eating a cheap salad slathered in sour cream on one side, with beans and  meat on the other side. The pork had a good spice, and the beans were acceptable. Having olives on a burrito was... strange. The tortilla was chewy and sticky, and didn't have the integrity to hold the ingredients safely inside throughout consumption. By the end it was just a soggy drippy glob, but with shameful sorrow and a beany face, I kept eating.

There was too much going on with this burrito, including the addition of sunflower seeds. Yes, sunflower seeds. So, perhaps I shouldn't have opted for everything on it... but I had to. It wasn't exactly a healthy new age burrito- no tempeh or kale or buckwheat... but it wasn't a classic meat-and-cheese bomb either. So, what was it? WHAT WAS IT?!?!?!

Despite all of the confusion, at the end of a long day at the beach, it was pretty satisfying. The price was right for food on the coast, and it was sizable.

The Rating

2.9 out of 5. 

Would I go back? Oh, probably, maybe because of memories... damn memories!!! This is supposed to be objective... Sorry. Go make your own memories!

Francisco Taqueria

This nondescript taco truck is located in the food cart pod on SW 3rd and Stark in downtown. This particular burrito was brought to me, but I have been to the cart on occasion as well. With so many food options around, it's easy to pass up... but I wouldn't recommend doing something silly like that!

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $5.00

Ingredients: Carnitas (shredded pork), rice, beans, sour cream, lettuce, cheese

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Short and Fat 

This chubby little guy's just bursting with juicy porky flava, baby! There's no grease better than pig grease, I tell you what.

The scrumptiously supple feathers of pork slowly melt away in my mouth like butter. Delicately delectable. The cool sour cream and tasty beans are the perfect side acts to their porky ring leader.

There was iceberg on this guy, which is usually a bad thing, but in this case, it added a nice texture, without overkill. The same goes for the rice. Like an earthen base for the pig to stand on. There is always room for more pork though!

PORK.

PORK.

POOOOOORK!!! 

The Rating:

3.9 outta 5

It would be higher if it only had a liiiiiiiiiittle more pork.

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!

Aprisa

Located on the corner of SE 8th and Division, this place dotes on the fact that it's made out of an old shipping container. That happens to have nothing to do with food quality, and is just a ploy to distract your attention, you do-good-portlander, you. Sustainability is awesome, if you have the delicious food to back it up!

It's a strange, awkward experience. You can either drive through, or hit up the walk up window. You order in a "Chipotlesque" style- choosing meat and other toppings to create your custom burrito. It's quite annoying, actually.

The Pork Burrito

Price: $6.15

Sides: Salsa upon request

Size: Medium/Big



I don't really want to waste anyone's time here. This burrito was frankly, a bland brick of tasteless nothingness. Packed full of dry, slightly under cooked rice. The strange cubes of tough pork seemed days old... probably from sitting in one of those weird metal squares under a heat lamp for too long. The lettuce was like slime scraped from the top of a muggy swamp. The hot salsa was more like mild tomato sauce, with a slight Italian flavor going on.

Sorry Aprisa, I wanted to like you. You seemed alright...

The Rating:

1 out of 5 stars.

You're probably better off eating at a real Chipotle...

Taqueria Pardos

Located in a parking lot on SE Mill Street, between Grand and 6th, the Gods were on my side when they convinced these folks to park a taco truck right next to Goodwill. You can fuel up before you go popping tags- trying to find a jumpsuit just like your grandpa's? Or perhaps a big ass coat?

Though I do sometimes enjoy overindulgence, overabundance, and the headaches upon headaches of choices in modern America, simplicity is a beautiful thing. There are 4 menu items at Pardos, and 3 meats to choose from. Tacos for a dollar? Check. Burritos for under 5 bucks? Si.

Pork Burrito

Ingredients: Pork, Rice, Beans, Cheese, Pico

Price: $4.50

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Medium

And now, 3 burrito inspired Haiku:

Mr. Pig thank you

for being so delicious.

Beans, cilantro too!

Rumble in thy gut

burrito blanket, wrap me

into mindful rest.

Hoping for a bite

desire only pains us-

down boy, down boy, sit.

The Rating

3.4 out of 5 stars.

*UPDATE* 
TACOS ARE DIVINE! 5 stars for those suckers!

Cha Cha Cha

Cha Cha Cha is a local Portland chain. I visited the one located in Sellwood, at 1605 SE Bybee. It's in a colorful foursquare style home, which makes for a bright, funky, inviting atmosphere. Wherever you are, you probably aren't far from a Cha Cha Cha.

Chile Verde Burrito

Ingredients: Pork in Tomatillo Sauce, Rice, Refried beans, Guacamole, Pico, Cheese

Price: $6.50

Size: Acceptable

Sides: Red and Green Sauce

It looked pretty! As for the taste, it was tantalizingly... devoid. It brought about lucid memories... of all those boring gringo burritos I've had in the past. Experiences like this blend together in a swirling, whirling, empty hole in my brain. Once it's unwrapped from it's pretty yellow paper, I couldn't pick it out of a lineup of suspect burritos. Can't you just see them all lined up against a wall, drooping over sadly, as they try to stand upright?

"Turn to the left!"

It seemed decently fresh, I'll give it that much. At least it wasn't made from dehydrated bean packets and partially hydrogenated soybean scum scraped from the bottom of an enormous vat in a rat infested factory in the outskirts of Chicago. The plethora of rice, mixed with the minuscule amount of pork, was like hunting for "a needle in a haystack" or going on a "wild goose chase." Inspiring nothing, but hackneyed adages. Expected, so expected. A burrito for the novice. A burrito for the children. A burrito for someone who fears Mexican food. A burrito that doesn't fill up that hollow feeling, no matter how big it is. You are nothing to me! NOTHING!

The Rating

1.5 outta 5 stars

Ok, I understand that a lot of people like Cha Cha Cha... Take your kids their for quesadillas. Take your grandparents there for a friendly atmosphere, and food that won't wreck any sensitive intestines. You stick to your banal burritos. I'll stick to my trashed-out-greasy-fatty-heart-attack-delights, thank you very much.

Cha Cha Cha? Try Cha Cha BLAH!