El Pato Feliz 2

The original El Pato Feliz in located on 92nd, just North of Foster. This version, on wheels, is located on Foster between 52nd and Powell, SE 26th and Schiller, next to Naomi's. Just look for an old blue bus in a pot-hole-filled parking lot.



Down in the dim doldrums, on this grey gloom of a day, I was in dire need of a burrito fix. Perhaps The Happy Duck can cheer me up!

Carnitas Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Carnitas, beans, rice, sour cream, cilantro, onion, lettuce

Sides: Red and green salsa

Size: BIG!

Some burritos are like a mellow stroll in a familiar park, while others are multidimensional thrill rides, sending you spinning into happy delirium. This particular fellow was of the stroll in the park variety, though there were little hints of something much greater. With too much rice, too little pork, and no cheese (WHAAA??), I was left with longing. However, this burrito had some drool worthy flavors. The pork had salt and pepper succulence, with a hint of sweet zing. The beans were buttery, and though there was too much, the rice had that greasy chicken love appeal. The sour cream was at is should be, though one very important dairy product was MIA. None the less, as my belly filled, my worries dissolved. 

The Rating

3 out of 5

Will I go here again? 

Maaaaaybe.

Nayar Taqueria

Nayar Taqueria is on Foster, at SE 59th ave. It has replaced another taco shack that used to occupy the space. I was excited to try a new place, and was rooting for them! They offer modest decor and typical taqueria fare.

Relleno Classico Burrito

A chile relleno... and steak? Together... in a burrito? Yes please! I couldn't pass up that ridiculously delicious sounding combination!

Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Rice, Refried Beans, Chile Relleno, Steak, Guacamole, Pico

Sides: 2 giant red and green sauces

Size: Medium





My first impression was that the burrito seemed small. However, the enormous salsas may have messed with my perception. Upon taking my first bite, I noticed a strange texture. The steak was chopped into minuscule grey bits, which were intermixed and disguised within the other ingredients; forming a chewy, dare I say gristly, undertone to each bite. While the chile had been roasted, the skin hadn't been removed, giving it a fibrous, unfinished essence. The cheese in the center was greasy and rubbery. The guacamole was the diamond in the rough, pulling through with its creamy freshness, yet still lacking any substantial amount of flavor. The beans and rice were forgettable. With so many strange textures going on, and no spice; this burrito had too much, yet not enough, going on. I wanted to like it, but want often leads you astray.

The Rating:

2 out of 5 stars.

Will I go here again?

Probably not. I hope they get it together though!

San Felipe Taqueria

San Felipe's is an old friend of mine. It's located in Westmoreland, at 6221 SE Milwaukie. I first went there 6 years ago or so, and enjoyed it for a long time. I've always gotten their veggie burrito, out of habit (I used to be vegetarian). They've changed over the years- prices have gone up, food quality has waxed and waned. What do I think of them now, after all of this burrito-consuming experience?

The Veggie Burrito

Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Beans, Rice, Lettuce, Cheese, Sour Cream, Pico

Sides: 5 Salsas to pick from

Size: Smallish

It's tough to judge an old friend, especially if you just don't get along with them anymore- but you wish you did. Sentimental for the past, yet in reality, you know it will never be the same. Have you changed, or have they? Have they become flagrantly bland, boring, and dim? Or have you become more cultured, standards raised to expect nothing less than the best? In this case, I think it's a little of both.

The ingredients were rather banal, and lacked diversity in flavor and texture. The salsas tingled my senses, but the burrito itself was insipid and watery. The beans seemed to be homemade, but again, lacked spice. The tortilla was more stale than crisp, and started leaking halfway through. I wanted to love this burrito, longed for mollifying memories to come awash in my brain, but all I felt was disappointment. 

The Rating

2 out of 5 stars

Will I go back?

The next time I feel like trying to relive the long distant past.




UPDATE: I've returned and my experiences have varied, but I would say the veggie is a pretty solid 3 stars.

Aprisa

Located on the corner of SE 8th and Division, this place dotes on the fact that it's made out of an old shipping container. That happens to have nothing to do with food quality, and is just a ploy to distract your attention, you do-good-portlander, you. Sustainability is awesome, if you have the delicious food to back it up!

It's a strange, awkward experience. You can either drive through, or hit up the walk up window. You order in a "Chipotlesque" style- choosing meat and other toppings to create your custom burrito. It's quite annoying, actually.

The Pork Burrito

Price: $6.15

Sides: Salsa upon request

Size: Medium/Big



I don't really want to waste anyone's time here. This burrito was frankly, a bland brick of tasteless nothingness. Packed full of dry, slightly under cooked rice. The strange cubes of tough pork seemed days old... probably from sitting in one of those weird metal squares under a heat lamp for too long. The lettuce was like slime scraped from the top of a muggy swamp. The hot salsa was more like mild tomato sauce, with a slight Italian flavor going on.

Sorry Aprisa, I wanted to like you. You seemed alright...

The Rating:

1 out of 5 stars.

You're probably better off eating at a real Chipotle...

Taqueria Portland

Cast along the unassuming street of North Fessenden, a worn old sign with the words "Taqueria Portland" is aglow.

(PLEASE SEE MY UPDATE BELOW, AS THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS MOVED) 

The luminescence draws you in, a glimmer of possibility at the edge of the long lonesome thoroughfare. If you are wise, you will simply stop whatever it is you're doing, and head there right now. You are Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and this place is the Devil's Tower. You just must go.

The space is colorful and quirky, and the people are super friendly. They have an extensive menu, booze, and attentive table service!

The Chile Relleno Burrito

I haven't been this excited about a burrito in a very long time. I was about to give up on you, Portland! Then, along comes a Taqueria created in your image.

Ingredients: Chile relleno, beans (pinto or black), rice, onions, cilantro, sour cream, cheese, spicy salsa

Price: $5.39

Sides: Red and Green Sauce, FREE chips and salsa and lolly pops.

Size: BIG

You know that feeling you get, when you bite into something so luscious, so delectable, so flavorsome- that you close your eyes and "mmmmmmmmm" noises just start radiating from your throat? You get that dizzying feeling of joy, buzzing high within the crevices of your brain? Your heart swirls, as if on a tilt-a-whirl at the fair? Pure affirmation that you are alive- breathing, tasting, existing- captivates your very soul? Yes, you know the feeling... it's love! I'm in love, everyone!

The sumptuously spicy pepper; an exquisitely roasted, cheese-infused, crisply encrusted delicacy. Cloaked within an ambrosial entourage of distinctly flavorsome ingredients: oozy refried beans, a pinch of rice, gooey cheese, fortifyingly fresh cilantro and onion, and hot salsa. All wrapped into a scrumptious tortilla skin, forming a labyrinth of taste-bud-mesmerizing-mayhem.

I am still there, in mid-chew, frozen for eternity with my burrito-shaped manifestation of love. All I have to do is close my eyes, and I am whisked away into an ethereal landscape where my consciousness is consumed by the evocative flavors of this burrito. The smell of sizzling onion, slow simmering spices, and hot frying peppers permeates the air all around. I open my eyes to the grandeur of cheese-capped mountains of beans, flowing hot sauce streams, cilantro meadows, and a chile pepper lined pathway. I float along, heading deeper and deeper into burrito bliss. I look into the sky, to see a bright rectangular sun, hot rays shine onto my skin, and I can barely make out the words "Taqueria Portland" silhouetted against the glow.

...

It's a bit like this cat's experience with friskies.

This burrito makes me want to lower the ratings of all the other burritos I have ever reviewed. It's the best burrito I have ever eaten in Portland. I also got to taste the carnitas and chile verde, both of which were also spectacular. I had to leave .1 just in case I find a better burrito... just in case...

I wish I was eating one right now. You definitely should be- there's really no other reason to exist.


*UPDATE*

I have subsequently returned to this establishment numerous times, and the burrito was never quite as good as the first time. I would rate it at 4.4 stars average.

*UPDATE #2*

Taqueria Portland, as we once knew it, has closed. However, they have a new location at 820 SE 8th, between Morrison and Belmont Streets. The atmosphere is shinier (the lighting almost oppressive), but the people and food are generally the same.

Taqueria Pardos

Located in a parking lot on SE Mill Street, between Grand and 6th, the Gods were on my side when they convinced these folks to park a taco truck right next to Goodwill. You can fuel up before you go popping tags- trying to find a jumpsuit just like your grandpa's? Or perhaps a big ass coat?

Though I do sometimes enjoy overindulgence, overabundance, and the headaches upon headaches of choices in modern America, simplicity is a beautiful thing. There are 4 menu items at Pardos, and 3 meats to choose from. Tacos for a dollar? Check. Burritos for under 5 bucks? Si.

Pork Burrito

Ingredients: Pork, Rice, Beans, Cheese, Pico

Price: $4.50

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Medium

And now, 3 burrito inspired Haiku:

Mr. Pig thank you

for being so delicious.

Beans, cilantro too!

Rumble in thy gut

burrito blanket, wrap me

into mindful rest.

Hoping for a bite

desire only pains us-

down boy, down boy, sit.

The Rating

3.4 out of 5 stars.

*UPDATE* 
TACOS ARE DIVINE! 5 stars for those suckers!

Santeria

This tiny joint is a Portland institution; wedged in between Mary's and Tugboat, right across from Bailey's. You can have yourself a fine little night without ever leaving this block! It's generally jam packed, blasting metal music, and ill staffed- but just shut up and enjoy it! Impress your out-of-town friends with a true Portland experience. Enjoy the company of burnt out bums and strung out strippers whilst consuming a massive burrito attack! Don't forget to use the bathroom while you're here, as it is shared with Mary's. You sneaky little devil, you. If you're really bad, they'll deliver your food to you at Mary's, so you can get off in more ways than one! If you're well groomed and boring, they'll deliver it to you at Bailey's.

Here's a link to their MENU.

Chile Relleno Burrito, Santeria Style

Ingredients: Pinto beans, rice, relleno, pico, guacamole sauce. Smothered in verde sauce, cheese, sour cream.

Price: $9.25 + $2.25 (Santeria Style) = $11.50

Sides: 3 tasty hot sauces, Margarita

Size: GARGANTUAN

This sucker is the most expensive burrito I've reviewed on my blog so far. Especially when you add in the strong $7 margarita you'll no doubt order as well! So, it's not a cheap date... so what?

It's also the largest burrito I've reviewed thus far, about the size of a small/medium child. Almost as wide as it is long.

I was so eager to delve into this brute, that I nearly burnt my tongue off! HOT STUFF! The flavors weren't super titillating (perhaps because of my scorched taste buds), but a little hot sauce brought it up a notch or two. Getting it smothered added an exciting, saucy dimension. The relleno was scrumptious, though it was hidden deep within the burrito body. I had to make my way through a stockpile of meh rice and beans before hitting the pleasurable treasure trove. I was surprised with myself as I kept shoveling the monster down my gullet, without swelling up and passing out. Then, towards the end, it hit me! Burritoed-out-stonedness. No need to purchase street drugs outside the door, just finish off one of these bountiful beasts and stumble on home; eyes aglow with the night's shenanigans.

The Rating:

The experience is worth a 5, but the burrito itself gets:

3.4 out of 5