La Torta Caliente

Ok, so this isn't technically in Portland. It's located in Sandy, Oregon. Just imagine, you've been hiking/skiing all day up on Mount Hood, and you need to reward yourself for all of that strenuous exercise. The best way to do that? A burrito of course! I, having eyes like a hawk when it comes to spotting Taquerias, saw this place on our way up to the hills and filed it into my brain for later inspection.

 
This tiny place had mirrors on the ceiling, a Spanish/English menu, tomatillos simmering on the stove, and a slab of beef sitting on the counter! My heart was fluttering with anticipation. High hopes, friends, high hopes.

The Beef Burrito

Ingredients: shredded beef, refried beans, rice, lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, sour cream

Price: $5.00

Size: filling

Sides: red and green sauce


After moving my sedentary immobile lump of couch flesh up a small hill, I needed replenishment. All that exercise and fresh mountain air gave me a hankering for some good old juicy greasy cheesy beany beefy love.

I was disappointed. This rather bland burrito filled me up, but was nothing to write home about. The cheese held the most flavor, and was quite tasty and oozy. The beef had a nice texture, but that's all. It wasn't gross, just very very plain. The red and green sauce didn't even have much flavor. Boooorrrrrrrrring.

Oh burrito, how I wanted to love you! WHY BURRITO WHY!?!?!

The Rating:

2 out of 5 stars

Will I go here again? If I get lost in the wilderness and the rescuers bring me one, I will consider eating it.

King Burrito

King Burrito is located at 2924 N. Lombard Street in Portland's Arbor Lodge neighborhood. This no frills joint offers simple cheap greasy Mexican done up right. No self-proclaiming, neo-yuppified, flowery lingo clouding up the menu here! Just straight up food.

This place is quite far from where I tend to be, but we stopped in on our way to the lake.

Canoe + Burrito = Perfection

 

Carnitas Burrito

Ingredients: Carnitas, pinto beans, guacamole, pico

Price: $4.50

Size: No measurements this time, but it filled me up!

Sides: red and green salsa

A burrito for under 5 bucks is hard to come by these days. Upon first inspection, I observed a lumpy tortilla colored brick, with quite a bit of grease on the wrapper. Hmm... But let's not judge a book by it's cover, you never know what's hiding inside! The carnitas was reminiscent of most pork cooked up this way- braised crisp edge, strings of slow cooked, pulled apart yumminess- trapped in a void somewhere between tender and chewy. Good flavor all around, though it was a bit dry at times. The red and green salsa added a nice nip. The substantial amount of guacamole is what really jazzed up this burrito! It's tough to find a burrito in this town with guacamole, where they don't charge extra! It was like opening up a shabby used paperback, to find someone's juicy secret love letters tucked inside! An unexpected, rewarding treat. Our little secret.

 

The Rating:

3.8 out of 5 stars

Will I go here again? Wouldn't go out of my way to eat here, but if I were nearby, then yes!

**Follow Up Post**

Taqueria Lindo Michoacan

click on photo to view large

This food cart is in a thrift store parking lot at SE Division and 33rd ave. I don't know much about it, other than that I was starving and driving by, when it caught my attention. It's a fun cart to look at- bright orange, with a hand painted menu that takes a while to decipher. There are regular and super size burritos, and you can make them "supreme" if you choose.

 

 

Supreme Regular Fish Burrito

Contents: rice, refried beans, grilled tilapia, cilantro, onion, tomato, lettuce, cheese, avocado, sour cream

Price: $5.00

Length: 9.5"

Circumference: 8.75"

Sides: huge red and green sauce

This behemoth is the longest I've ever had. I've had girthier, but they don't come lengthier than this. I can't imagine what a super size version must look like, or what kind of human could possibly fit the entirety of one into their body. Sometimes the largest ones can be deceiving, as size does not always equal excellence. Was this just another enormous burrito bamboozlement, or did it work its wonders in more ways than one?

I savored the bites of delicate flaky tilapia, slathered in rich oozy sour cream, with ripe chunks of avocado interspersed. The warm creamy beans, crisp lettuce, melty cheese, and fresh cilantro mingled about merrily in my mouth. The evocative red sauce stirred distant memories around in my mind. At times, this burrito suffered from fish sparsity and onion overabundance. Though I enjoyed the act of consuming this glutinous beast, the flavors weren't particularly distinctive. However, it was engaging enough to keep me chomping away until the very last bite. The burrito filled my stomach and stretched all the way up into my brain. Food coma bliss ensued, with a nice meditative nap.

The Rating:

3.5 outta 5 stars

Will I go there again?  Yes, would like to try other options.

*BURP*

El Gallo

The more I learn, the less I know. For every burrito I eat, another one is being born. Is my quest futile? How can I possibly find the best burrito, when so many exist/will exist/have existed? It's an infinitely whirling conundrum; around and around it spirals, only to fall back onto itself. If I do eat the best burrito that is humanly possible, how will I know it's the one? What is the probability that the best burrito in the Universe, and myself, will exist together in space/time? Null. Zip. Nada. None! The burrito universe is caving in! What to do?!?
                                                                           

Despite my existential crisis, I suppose all I can do is keep on trying, keep on eating. I don't have to go far, before I find myself at El Gallo Taqueria on SE Woodstock and 48th Ave. Local Woodstockians, and Out-of-neighborhooders alike, have made this their staple Mexican food cart. What makes this place so special, you ask? Well, I decided to figure this out for myself. Is it all hearsay, or does this place really offer something to get excited about?

Carnitas Burrito

Contents: Carnitas, pinto beans, Tillamook pepper jack, cojita, cilantro, onions, cabbage

Price: $6.50

Length: 7"

Circumference: 8.75"

Sides: Red, Green, and MELT YOUR FACE salsa



Anticipation. Mouth watering, stomach beginning to eat itself, anticipation. And finally, after several minutes of angsty impatience, fanciful bites of burrito divinity flow into my mouth. Crusty braised porky charm, fluffy spider webby strings of wonderfully chewy, springy, pig flesh. Exploding beans! Cabbage that would mercilessly bash in the heads of any lettuce that came within sight. Hot sauce that could kill a (wo)man. Flaking tortilla freshness. Can Mexican street food served from a food cart be gourmet? If so, this is it. But as many gourmet items go, it wasn't as filling as my disgustingly enormous appetite could have hoped for. Satisfying in so many ways, however.

The Rating

4.2 out of 5

Will I go here again? Soon.

El Nutri-Taco

El Nutri-Taco is a nondescript food cart at SE 84th and Woodstock. Yes, the one that's parked in someone's front yard. They can also be found on Alberta at 21st. They offer your standard Mexican fare, along with a lengthy and creative veggie/vegan menu. You can visit their rather humorous website to view the menus, and to scoff at the stock photos of Mexican food and happy people.

 

 

 Flamin' Burrito

Why do I subject myself to such gastrointestinal strife? The Flamin' Burrito... I mean, what did I expect? Why am I drawn to such foreboding menu items? Well, good people, I do it out of curiosity, desire, and most importantly, an eternal love for burritos. Oh yeah, and let's not forget stupidity.

Contents: tofu, beans, rice, cheese, pico, lettuce, grilled onions, sour cream, red hot sauce

Price: $6.00

Length: 6.5"

Circumference: 8.75"

Sides: red, green, and avocado sauce 


 I know what you're thinking: "Tofu? In a burrito? WTF! Blasphemy! I'm never going to read this blog again!" Settle down people, settle down. I am open to (almost) all burritos. My first tofu burrito experience, at Dos Gringos in Colorado, changed my life. This is Portland after all, so it's really not that strange. Anyway, on with the review!

The first couple of bites were actually rather bland. No fiery spices tickling my tastebuds at all! As I progressed, however, the heat came on. It was subtle at first, but then it kicked me right in the gullet! I was hungry, and wanted to cram it in my mouth faster, but I had to pace myself. By the last bite, my sinuses were nicely cleared. Apart from the heat, the ingredients were rather boring. A better balance between heat and general flavor was needed. The texture was engaging, with chewy tofu, crisp lettuce, chunky tomatoes, and creamy beans, but something was just... missing.

 

Rating

2 outta 5 stars

To speak straight from my gut, in the end, this burrito wasn't worth the trouble.

Will I go here again? Maybe if I'm ever stranded on 82nd St and can't find a Chinese restaurant.

Kiko's Taqueria Uruapan

Kiko's is located in Sellwood's food cart pod at SE 13th and Lexington. (GONE) I come here from time to time because it's close to where I work, and the burritos are generally pretty darn tasty. If you ever feel like taking a relaxing stroll around a quaint family neighborhood, and getting a good burrito in the meantime, I highly recommend this area.

The Fajita Burrito with Carnitas

Contents: carnitas, rice, beans, cheese, pico, grilled red and green bell peppers, mushrooms

Price: $5.50

Length: 6.75"

Circumference: 8"

Sides: red and green salsa





Upon taking my first bite, the words that came to mind were: sweet, salty, and savory. The carnitas was tender and juicy and had a subdued porky sweetness that flourished with each chew. This was complemented by the salty crunch of the grilled peppers and onions.  Bite after bite went on this way- carnitas and peppers, peppers and carnitas, with a nice layer of melted cheese and rice nestling it all in place. The pork itself lacked that crisp braised edge that carnitas often has, but I wouldn't say this negated from the burrito's overall texture. As I kept on munching, the carnitas dwindled, and more beans, rice, and pico began to spring up. By the end, it felt like I was eating a different burrito, but lucky for me, it still tasted good. The peppers made it through the entirety, but I only counted 2 bites of mushroom. Not the largest burrito, but just filling enough for a fat girl trapped in a skinny girl's body like me.

The Rating (outta 5)

Drum roll please...

3.7 stars

Perhaps if ingredient distribution was perfected and more mushrooms thrown in, I'd give it 4 stars. "Sticks to your teeth good!" Oh, and maybe it could be a litttttttle bit bigger! *wink*

Will I go here again? Why yes, yes I will.

The end.

La Bonita vs La Sirenita

Like the cliche goes: there are 2 kinds of people in the world- those who like La Bonita and those who like La Sirenita. These two restaurants, located between 28th and 29th ave on Alberta Street, have brought about much debate over the years. One is a seedy greasy spoon, the other is a hip hangout. Let's see how they compare in my book!

La Sirenita

La Bonita from La Sirenita (although all I can see is the man in the pink shirt)

 The Battle of the Chile Relleno Burritos

La Sirenita vs La Bonita

Upon first glance, La Bonita's burrito (on the right) appears more appetizing. The tortilla is flakier, and those little toasted circles are aesthetically appealing. However, it is loosely wrapped, which could lead to a potential burrito explosion! La Sirenita's, though not as visually pleasing, feels solid and well wrapped.

La Sirenita                                                                  

Contents: chile relleno, refried beans, rice, tomatoes, onion, cilantro

Price: $4.00                            

Sides: red and green sauce

A typical relleno burrito, not too eggy, lots of cheese, a little greasy. The pico was tasty, but not very prevalent. Very dense. The chile ran the length of the burrito, which is much appreciated. What could be worse than not getting to the chile until you're halfway through, or running out of it at the end? The tortilla was lacking, and a little on the sticky side. It wasn't super flavorful, and needed salsa to keep it interesting. Good price for what you receive though. 

 La Bonita

Contents: chile relleno, refried beans, rice, lettuce, cilantro, onion

Price: $5.95

Sides: red and green sauce

It started off well. The chile was stuffed with white cheese, perhaps cojita, which was creamy and delicate. The beans were also pretty tasty. As I kept on chomping, however, lettuce began taking over, until nearly every bite was a mouthful of iceberg. This isn't acceptable for a burrito pushing the $6 mark, or any burrito for that matter. In the end, it wasn't very gratifying and needed lots of hot sauce to keep it alive as well.

Ratings (outta 5):

La Sirenita's Burrito: 2.5 stars

La Bonita's Burrito: 2 stars

La Sirenita pulled out ahead! The cheaper price and lack of lettuce is what gave their burrito an extra half star. Ho hum, but neither of these burritos rocked my world. Both were totally uninspiring. I know there will always be die-hard fans of both places, and perhaps I just ordered the wrong burritos. As for now, I'm left feeling empty and destitute. I suppose I'll just settle down in my little hole in the world and wait for the next burrito craving to hit.

Perhaps I should open my own taqueria, and call it: "The Beautiful Little Mermaid" (La Sirenita Bonita). It will be a magical place where everyone just gets along.