Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Super Burrito Express

I was driving in circles around the outer fringes hunting for burritos today, and I passed 3 abandoned taquerias before deciding just to go here. It's in Milwaukie, next to the Safeway at SE 42nd and King Road. Milwaukie... what can I say about this... town? It's truly weird. They don't have to try to be weird, it just flows through their veins! It's as though the entire place exists inside of an alternate universe where Walmart is the overlord.

The looks of Super Burrito Express are a turn off. It's a local joint, but the facade screams out corporate fast food hole, only grimier.

The Super Burrito

Price: $6.80

Ingredients: Steak picado (cooked with tomato, onion, cilantro), chile relleno, refried beans, avocado sauce

Sides: Red and green sauces, pickled jalapeno and carrots

Size: Big but not toooooo big

My feelings for this one are conflicted. The steak picado was rich and savory, with the tomatoey oniony peppery sauce adding a comforting allure, followed by a wave of spicy gusto. The texture, though, was a bit off. Some slices were too fatty, spawning an unappealing chewiness, while others weren't chopped small enough, making it difficult to get that perfect mouthful. Ingredient dispersion was out of balance, with the first 5 bites or so being almost all bean. The relleno's cheese was not melty enough and had a squeaky texture. There was no rice or lettuce taking up space (yay!), but that also made it very heavy in the belly. I couldn't twist at the waist after finishing up, and I kind of wobbled out to my car, uncertain about who I was or where I was or what I was. I think I sprouted an extra roll of fat above my love handle. Each day I get closer to becoming a circle person with stick arms and legs!

The Rating

2.8 outta 5 stars

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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

El Pato Feliz

el pato feliz

I reviewed a carnitas burrito from their food bus, El Pato Feliz 2, back in 2013. This is a review for the little restaurant on SE 92nd in Lents, near the current home for the infamous Belmont goats, who were evicted from their previous residence to make way for a mass development (ugh). But the goats are here, and they are still chewing and standing and laying around and you should visit them.

This cute, cozy little spot features a duck collection and orange walls. Those of you who know me, know that my favorite color is orange and I used to be obsessed with ducks, so I was a pato muy feliz myself as I waited on my order.

Asada Burrito

Price: $6.00

Ingredients: Asada, beans, rice, lettuce, sour cream

Sides: 5 tasty salsas!

Size: Gigantosaurus! 

el pato feliz, mexican food portland
Nothing about this guy really stood out as amazing to me, except for maybe some of the flavor my tasters extracted from the salsas. The asada was standard and the beans basic. There was too much rice and the lettuce was of course, boring. Like it's cousin over at the food truck, I don't think it had cheese? The price to size ratio was impressive, considering the price for a burrito is sky rocketing to upwards of 8 dollars at some places... 8 dollars! EIGHT. DOLLARS. This is becoming a serious crisis, people! Where can a little working class gal like myself find a substantial meal for 5 bucks anymore?

The Rating

3 out of 5 stars. 

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Monday, August 31, 2015

Gonzalez Taqueria

This little taco truck is in the Overlook neighborhood, sitting next to a gas station on Killingsworth, just west of Interstate Ave. I've been wanting to try it for a long time, but it's limited hours (9am-6pm, M-F) have prevented that. So, I was super excited to finally have the privilege. If you don't want to sit in the covered seating area, you can grab a burrito and head over to the bluff for a nice view while you eat. Bring lots of napkins, perhaps a bib.

Waiting in line, I could tell this place was packed with locals who love it. The owners were super friendly and chatting with everyone. They were sweeties.

Carnitas Burrito

Portland Burrito Junkie, Carnitas
Price: $6.50

Ingredients: Carnitas, rice, beans, pico, cheese

Sides: 4 tasty salsas

Size: Perfecto

Portland Burrito Junkie, CarnitasUpon the initial unwrapping of this burrito, I noted the perfectly toasty tortilla, with its happy little brown freckles smiling up at me. The underbelly, however, was saturated with a greasy sheen. After the first bite, I was a smitten kitten. Luscious, fluffy flakes of braised pork tickled my receptors, burrowing deep into my core, searching out my soul. My heart was set all aflutter as I sampled the wealth of salsa delights. The fresh pico tunneling through the central burrito zone was the perfect counterpoint to the greasy pork. The minimal amount of rice cradled the main ingredients, letting them shine while soaking in the porky juices. Despite the escaped grease, this guy held together fine. Whether it was the humidity or the intensity of flavors, I do not know, but when it was all said and done I had my own glossy sheen- of sweat. Our fluids mingled, my soul was touched... I just might be in love (or lust).

The Rating

4.2 outta 5 stars. I'm drooling over it right now.

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Sunday, June 7, 2015

Portland Mercado

This place!!! This place makes me so happy. It opened back in April, and according to their website, "The Portland Mercado is an economic development project based on Latino cultural heritage and brings together diverse cultures through entertainment, art, and food." Basically, they are helping people in the Latino community open up businesses, and bringing delicious food and an economic uplift to SE Foster.

If there were ever a Disney Land built just for me, this would be it. Screw Mickey Mouse, this place has 8 different Latin food carts! They've got Cuban, Argentinian, Colombian, Salvadorian, and a variety of regional Mexican vittles. You can taste all the arepas, tamales, tacos, pupusas, empanadas, huaraches, etc... that you could ever want. Inside there's a market with fresh produce, a bar, and a carniceria (which had some tasty looking marinated asada).

With so many choices, it can be difficult to choose what to get. I recommend trying a couple of different places, and going with a group and just sharing everything! This time I got some pupusas from 5 volcanes. I know, not a burrito, but come on people!

I was so excited, that I forgot to snap a picture before taking a bite. Sorry! I got one Pollo and one Frijole Pupusa for $6. They came out steaming hot, with a side of curtido (spicy cabbage slaw). I've had pupusas in the past that were really soggy, greasy, and inadequately filled. These were the opposite of that- gently crisped, very little grease, and abundantly stuffed with the main ingredient and melty oozy cheese. The cabbage slaw was perfect, adding a dynamic texture and piquant punch. SO GOOD! I want another one right... now!

The Mercado not only offers tasty grub, but the people watching is top notch. It's a pretty diverse crowd, with native Fosterians mixing freely with Inner SE Imports. Cute families run around, old ladies lug carts, and girls with blue hair chat on phones. Who knows what you'll see? We need more places like this. Support them!

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Thursday, April 30, 2015

Tacos Chavez Express 2

**WARNING** You may need to repent after reading this one.

Looking to get your jollies on Foster and 52nd avenue? Just across from Devil's Point, and sharing a wall with a shadier than shady lap dance/ jerk off joint, sits this tiny taqueria. I felt a bit dirty sitting here waiting on my enormous burrito, imagining all the nasty men chowing down on their greasy Mexican meat before heading next door or across the street for other festivities. Then, I thought of the women coming here for a quick bite between business ventures, and I felt dirtier still. But you know, to each his own... everyone needs sustenance. Besides, this is what makes Foster so edgy and cool, right? Anyway, this business was very clean and the guy was nice, so don't let location put you off.

Now that I think of it, there seems to be a correlation between strip clubs and cheap Mexican food. They always seem to be in such close proximity... Oh my God, are burritos just the smut of the food world? No! This can't be! They have more class than that, don't they? I know they're cheap and filling, but that doesn't mean they should bring on a cheap feeling.

The California Burrito

Price: $7

Ingredients: Fries, Steak, Pico, Sour Cream, grilled onion

Sides: Red, Green, Habanero Salsa

Size: 10 inches of beastliness.

Yep, you read it right, there were french fries in this burrito. I guess this is a California thing? I've seen these burritos on menus around town, but this is my first time trying one. I've enjoyed potatoes in burritos many a time, just not in fry form. Other burritos on their menu were only 5 bucks, but I felt like being extra fat today.

I did so enjoy this combination of ingredients- the way the fries and steak sort of... melded together to clog my arteries faster. The fries could have been crispier- they were pretty soggy. This wasn't so bad though, because the squishiness allowed them to soak up more steak grease, creating these perfect little sponges of heaven. The steak itself was nicely cooked, though a couple bites had some chewy fat. The menu says it has cheese and guacamole, but I didn't taste or see any. You know what would have made this guy over-the-top disgustingly good? Nacho cheese.

The experience was like watching a movie that's so bad it's good. You feel kind of embarrassed to enjoy it so much, and like your brain is melting because of it, yet you just can't stop watching. Yeah.

The Rating

3 out of 5 stars

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Saturday, March 21, 2015

La Catrina

Twas an overly hot Thursday in the Ides of March. The midday sun beat down through my streaky windshield, glaring into my angry eyes. Determined, I made my way through the outer reaches of Southeast Portland, and on into Clackamas County. Onward I went, weaving down potholed streets past mossy roofed ramshackle houses, rusting vehicles parked on lawns, and crusty shirtless pot bellied old men smoking cheap stogies on porches. Beads of sweat balled up on my forehead as I approached my destination- The DEQ. Tension filled my every crevice as I pulled nervously into lane 4. My nearly 20 year old Taurus has seen better days, and perhaps this would be its day to die. Luckily though, the old beater passed its emissions test with flying colors. Even though the stoically silent beast of a woman who stamped my certificate didn't seem to share my enthusiasm, I decided to reward myself for being such a good little citizen. The best way to do this? Well, you know...

Taqueria La Catrina is a food truck located at 9603 SE 82nd Ave, South of Johnson Creek, North of Otty Rd. It's pushed back from the street between a McDonalds and a cigarette store, across from the Best Buy/Babies R Us. So yeah, basically it's in the center of Hell. You'd never know it was there if you didn't have spies scoping out places for you (thanks Ben).

The Carnitas

Price: $6

Ingredients: Pork, onion, cilantro, beans, rice, cheese

Sides: Red and Green salsa

Size: Big Old Momma

Hot and hungry, frazzled and fatigued, lugging my ponderous plastic bag of burrito across the dusty lot to my car, I felt a bit like Sisyphus. This day, the heat, the incessant cars motoring down 82nd, the chore of ordinary life, weighing down on me like a perpetual game of boulder tag.

But, I hopped in my car and high tailed it home, to my haven. Just me with a giant meat filled tube of love as my copilot.

Slowly, the wrapper unfurled and out rolled a plump beefy bulldog of a burrito- wrinkly and solid. Upon first bite, a mouthful of soft juicy pig meat filled my food hole. It was tender and flaky, yet the texture could have been more dynamic- it lacked that crisp braised edge I love so dearly in my Carnitas. The dispersion of ingredients was nice (plenty of meat), but there was too much onion. The astringency overwhelmed the porky saltiness my cheeks so yearned for. Cheese and beans were tasty. It was dense and heavy, and as my belly filled, the heaviness of existence floated away and my meltdown was staved off for another day.

The Rating

3.7 outta 5.

Would I go here again? 

Sure, the next time around.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Taqueria El Cazador

Located at lovely SE 102nd and Foster, across from an electrical substation and next to a junk yard, this humble little taqueria is a breath of burritowy fresh air. I find myself wandering further and further to find new burritos these days. Life is just so hard for an old washed up burrito junkie.


Price: $4.99

Ingredients: Pork, rice, beans, onion, cilantro, cheese

Sides: Red and Green Salsa

Size: Medium

Honestly, it's been a while since I actually ate this burrito, and it wasn't incredibly memorable. I'm sorry. Is this the worst post so far? Probably. The pictures are crappy unedited cell phone shots and I can't think of any taste bud teasing adjectives. Don't give up on the me though, people! I'll try harder next time. I just need to find a really good burrito that I haven't tried yet! What's your favorite burrito, guys? Maybe I'm just kind of lonely and talking to myself and hoping internet people will comment about their favorite burritos instead of being mean... I need some inspiration!

The Rating:

3 stars out of 5.